The Light

Last Thursday, my wonderful job called me into the office to tell me, "due to budget cuts (because of the merger) we no longer need your services as of 4:30p.m." I must have looked like they slapped me across the face because he just looked at the floor. I literally just sat there with my mouth open. I had worked 10 to 12 hour days for six months. I worked my butt off...apparently I worked myself out of a job. I got the accounts so much better that they apparently didn't need to pay me the amount they were paying me, and could get someone else in my position for $10 an hour (to save money) to run the accounts.

I feel devastated. used. not good enough. And, betrayed.

I've laid in bed for a week.

Today, I went to see my shrink. She told me the usually things about failure and how John Grisham's first novel was rejected 27 times before it was finally printed. I mean, I know all of those things, but when she says it, I feel better. So, I am going to pull myself up and sign up for the GRE to finally start my PHD. I even started applying for jobs tonight.

I talked about Keaton...she said that I just have to keep moving forward and doing what I feel is right in my heart.

I talked to her about David. She said that when bad things happen, you have to remember that you will feel better in the morning - and it is a shame that he forgot that and now he is gone. I have to remember that too because the last month has been so horrible - and so painful - that you get to the point where you think you just can't go on. But, after what happen to David, I have this reminder that there is a life to live after the darkness...you just have get yourself through that darkness, and on the other side is the light.

Rest in Peace David

"A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell 'em for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
And maybe then you'll hear the words I've been singing
Funny, when you're dead how people start listen'n"

Sad when you reach the point in your life when you don't just sing and dance to the words - you understand the lyrics.

RIP Robin

Today, a legend died. But - it's different this time. He didn't die because he was really old, or because he was in a car wreak....or even from my most-feared way of drug overdose....he died because he was so depressed that he couldn't see the light. He only saw darkness. How could someone as famous and beloved as Robin Williams be so depressed and feel so alone that the only way to find relief is through death?

If anything, I hope his death shows the world just how serious depression is...a real disease that needs to be discussed out in the open. Just like drugs and alcohol.

People, hold on to those you love tonight, but more than that - look into their eyes and if you know someone is wrong, do what isn't easy - Speak up. Get help...before it is too late.

I hope you are able to rest now Robin. I hope that in death, your soul found the light.