The Light

Last Thursday, my wonderful job called me into the office to tell me, "due to budget cuts (because of the merger) we no longer need your services as of 4:30p.m." I must have looked like they slapped me across the face because he just looked at the floor. I literally just sat there with my mouth open. I had worked 10 to 12 hour days for six months. I worked my butt off...apparently I worked myself out of a job. I got the accounts so much better that they apparently didn't need to pay me the amount they were paying me, and could get someone else in my position for $10 an hour (to save money) to run the accounts.

I feel devastated. used. not good enough. And, betrayed.

I've laid in bed for a week.

Today, I went to see my shrink. She told me the usually things about failure and how John Grisham's first novel was rejected 27 times before it was finally printed. I mean, I know all of those things, but when she says it, I feel better. So, I am going to pull myself up and sign up for the GRE to finally start my PHD. I even started applying for jobs tonight.

I talked about Keaton...she said that I just have to keep moving forward and doing what I feel is right in my heart.

I talked to her about David. She said that when bad things happen, you have to remember that you will feel better in the morning - and it is a shame that he forgot that and now he is gone. I have to remember that too because the last month has been so horrible - and so painful - that you get to the point where you think you just can't go on. But, after what happen to David, I have this reminder that there is a life to live after the darkness...you just have get yourself through that darkness, and on the other side is the light.