invisible

I saw this article 4 Major Myths About What Causes Divorce, and I know there are a lot of reasons that may or may not cause divorce, but I think that many times one person in a marriage does not feel 

heard

in one way or another. 

Perhaps not in the way of 

conversations or expressions, 

but maybe in more simple ways like a wife yearning the simple touch of her husband's hand on her back when she walks into a room, or the encouraging look from his wife as he places dinner on the table after cooking for an hour. Yes, she could have made it better - and quicker - but he cooked it, and she appreciated it, and him.

If those small things are missing, one person may feel — invisible…. and someone can only be invisible for so long.

Deep down, people want to be seen, heard, and loved.

 Countless women go to bed each night wondering if they will ever feel noticed. If you feel alone and unappreciated, let me reassure that you are seen by your Creator, and He loves you more than anyone on this planet ever could. Have you felt far from cherished? Have you been cut down one too many times? Your pain is understandable, and it matters. But you don’t have to let it ruin you or define you. Being overlooked by your spouse is especially painful. The man who stole your heart should make you feel loved and cherished, yet he will fail you many times over. He won’t always act like Prince Charming, because honestly, he’s neither of those two things. If you place your heart totally in his hands and draw your happiness from him alone, you hurt a lot. -- Michelle Lindsey

- See more at: http://www.nittygrittylove.com/to-the-wife-who-feels-invisible/#sthash.h74dpQ1j.VShSe9Us.dpuf

31

So I haven't felt like writing lately. But, I figured I better write on the very last day of being 31. I know that my life is going by very quickly and there is nothing I can do to slow it down. My kids are growing up. It's hard. Getting older is hard. I am getting more comfortable with being in my 30s, but every once in awhile, I remember, and it sucks again. I miss being young, but I am thankful to be here and alive.

The Light

Last Thursday, my wonderful job called me into the office to tell me, "due to budget cuts (because of the merger) we no longer need your services as of 4:30p.m." I must have looked like they slapped me across the face because he just looked at the floor. I literally just sat there with my mouth open. I had worked 10 to 12 hour days for six months. I worked my butt off...apparently I worked myself out of a job. I got the accounts so much better that they apparently didn't need to pay me the amount they were paying me, and could get someone else in my position for $10 an hour (to save money) to run the accounts.

I feel devastated. used. not good enough. And, betrayed.

I've laid in bed for a week.

Today, I went to see my shrink. She told me the usually things about failure and how John Grisham's first novel was rejected 27 times before it was finally printed. I mean, I know all of those things, but when she says it, I feel better. So, I am going to pull myself up and sign up for the GRE to finally start my PHD. I even started applying for jobs tonight.

I talked about Keaton...she said that I just have to keep moving forward and doing what I feel is right in my heart.

I talked to her about David. She said that when bad things happen, you have to remember that you will feel better in the morning - and it is a shame that he forgot that and now he is gone. I have to remember that too because the last month has been so horrible - and so painful - that you get to the point where you think you just can't go on. But, after what happen to David, I have this reminder that there is a life to live after the darkness...you just have get yourself through that darkness, and on the other side is the light.

Rest in Peace David

"A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell 'em for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
And maybe then you'll hear the words I've been singing
Funny, when you're dead how people start listen'n"

Sad when you reach the point in your life when you don't just sing and dance to the words - you understand the lyrics.

RIP Robin

Today, a legend died. But - it's different this time. He didn't die because he was really old, or because he was in a car wreak....or even from my most-feared way of drug overdose....he died because he was so depressed that he couldn't see the light. He only saw darkness. How could someone as famous and beloved as Robin Williams be so depressed and feel so alone that the only way to find relief is through death?

If anything, I hope his death shows the world just how serious depression is...a real disease that needs to be discussed out in the open. Just like drugs and alcohol.

People, hold on to those you love tonight, but more than that - look into their eyes and if you know someone is wrong, do what isn't easy - Speak up. Get help...before it is too late.

I hope you are able to rest now Robin. I hope that in death, your soul found the light.

Worst Time of my Life

I know when I am old and grey, I will look back on this time period as being the worst time of my life. My job is absolutely horrible, and the people I work for are horrible people who make me absolutely miserable. My director does everything in her power to try to get my to quit so in return, I don't. I am going to start recording everything here on my blog so when I get ready to sue her ass and that freaking company, I'll have everything documented. Moving on, Tony has been in the field for two weeks, and I miss him so very much. It is so hard not having him here. I heard from him today and he said he should be home this weekend. Yay! I am so excited! I am about to hit the pillow. It is pass 10pm and I'm old now - turning 30 aged me like, 50 years. Night.

Just ordered a Father's Day Card

IIt's so adorable!

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Hattiesburg Tornado

Yesterday Hattiesburg was hit by a category 4 tornado. No one died - and that in itself is a miracle. But tonight, as I looked over the ruins of the USM campus, tears finally began to stream down my face. I began to remember the years I lived in Hattiesburg with Wayne, when Jaeleigh was first born. I realize I have so many wonderful memories in that town - and on that campus. I was truly shaped into the person I am today because of the time I spent there. And even though the town and campus have evolved and changed so much since then — almost ten years ago - I still feel so connected to it. I feel such loss and pain right now ~ and I just pray for everyone in Hattiesburg to find peace with the situation and rebuild bigger and better than before.

Upset

I walked into work yesterday and there was a going-away party. I did not know about this event. I had received an initial email regarding ideas but I never got anything else regarding what they had decided to do. What really got to me is that everyone knew I had a jewelry party set up for 1pm. I had everything set up and no one ever came. I was so upset and embarrassed.

Too busy...

I cannot even get a spare moment to blog - but I am making myself blog tonight. Work is insane, but being Program Director is fun. I enjoy the work even though it is a lot of work. Tony has been home for a little over a month now, and I think we are doing pretty well. It was rough in the beginning. It was like he was a stranger. We even went through a really difficult week or so, but now, we seem to be doing well. I guess we had to just find each other again. <3 Today was Election Day. :-) Guess we will find out if we will have a new president or the same, bad politics for another 4 years... Keaton turned 7 years old on Sunday... We took him and his little friend to the Southern Promiseland Farm for the day. It was a lot of fun. I can't believe my baby boy is so grown, although today he is pretty pitiful because he is sick. :-( I had to keep Jaeleigh and Keaton home from school. I took them to the doctor and got them on antibiotics so hopefully they will both feel better soon. Tony's mom will be here Saturday! We are so excited!!!

Family Fun Day Success!!

So it's 11:47 p.m. and I just sat down since I got up this morning at 9 a.m. AND - that was after going to sleep at 6 a.m. I was up all night baking and cleaning and stressing about the Family Fun Day at Jones Park today but it turned out great! I am so relieved! I really had a fabulous time. Of course I am pretty sure that I was running around like a chicken with its head cut off. Although at this moment, I'm running on the fumes of my superwoman flames hahahaha I don't know if that made any sense. I think I'm going to go eat some cake and then crash. Night!

Life has sucked me in...

Sometimes the weeks go by and I do not even notice. I noticed today because I had to write a check and I wrote out the word "August" and almost had a panic attack. How the hell did that happen? When did January turn into August? One minute I was complaining about turning 29, then I was baking cupcakes for Jaeleigh to take to cheer camp to celebrate her 9th birthday and then suddenly I am organizing Luci's third birthday party. My life seems to be going by so fast sometimes that I cannot catch my breath. Drama at work today. No, I can't write about it because I would totally get fired but there is no other way to describe it as drama. Tony did not make Chief. I found out Tuesday. I know I am probably more upset about it than he is but I really wanted it. There is always next year.... I just want him to come home and take care of me. I'm so tired of taking care of myself - and everyone else. I'm so tired.

June 14, 2012

So I have buried myself in work, as if you couldn't tell. I haven't written in almost three months. I basically have not wanted to deal with my feelings or anything else for that matter. I go to work to escape the pain of Tony being gone and it has worked so far. He texts me though and then I remember and feel it all over again. Then I feel bad for thinking about other things instead of him. It's almost like I have taken the love I have for him and locked it into a box so it wouldn't be so painful to have him gone. Now, I just don't know what to do with that.

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My last day as 28...

So, how do I feel? Sad I guess. It's the last birthday in my 20s and I just never expected to be at the point in my life. I mean, I always hoped I would reach this age alive and well, but I never really planned to be this old. I've discovered that there isn't much good about getting older....maybe the money but with that just comes more responsibilities and bills...so that just kinda cancels each other out.

Jaeleigh's First Cheer Performance

http://youtu.be/XtNRAFmEOLk

March 2, 2012

I have been working so much. Tony has been gone for a month now. It's been so hard. Mandie took me out last weekend and we had so much fun - but when I came home, it was back to work. Yesterday when I got to work, there were roses from Tony. I think there are some lilies mixed in because they have made the entire home smell divine. So, I have some new friends at work - Joanna, Meagan and Joyce. I love them! Last Saturday I went to Meagan's bridal party and next weekend we are going to New Orleans for her bachelorette party. I am so excited! Her wedding is March 17th. :-) And, my birthday is March 24th - the big 2-9! Woo hoo - time for botox!

Reunion

Yesterday, someone said, "what a reunion that will be." Now that's all I can think about - and how far away that is. So far away...

This is hard.

I made it through week two at work. Working full time is hard. I love it though. Tomorrow is Friday and I'm off. I'm spending it with Tony. He leaves at 5am on Monday. Nothing else is harder than that. Nothing.

January 9, 2012

Weird weekend - but it was pretty good. Friday night we hit up The Shed. I love that place! It is so yummy!!!!! Saturday we got up and hit the mall and then got home in time to watch the Saints kick some butt. Awesomest. game. ever.

Today was the weird day. I got up at like 2pm, took a shower, ate, then went back to sleep. I slept until like 7pm. I have no idea what that was all about. I think I'm getting sick and maybe my body is trying to fight it. I feel better now. Mama and I went riding around at midnight tonight looking at some houses and then hit up WhatABurger - yumMY! Now, I'm watching Hoarders....and then I'm going to go to bed. I actually have to get up tomorrow and clean my house.

We are leaving for Gatlinburg on Friday!!!


MySpace-Countdown-Clocks

I need to hit the gym...

Tony and I have an appointment tomorrow at Navy Fed to talk about the new mortgage and we are going to decide if we want to continue to pursue the new house or take another year to pay down debts and wait until the market get better.

I am definitely ready to start hitting the gym. I'm eating way too much and I feel nasty and fat. Ugh. I gained 6 pounds over the holidays and I'm so over that. I think tomorrow may be the day that the gym may see my face again! We will see.... :-)

Dear Brenda...

Dear Brenda,
Thinking of you a lot today. I was wondering what crazy New Year's resolutions you would have come up with. You probably would have had me out, walking around the hospital with you by now. It's freezing by the way. You would love it. :-) Well, you would love it for a minute, and then start complaining about it! LOLOL

This morning I burst into tears when I filled up the coffee cup you gave me. You would have told me to stop being so dramatic and get over it, but I'm still working on it! I hope you are having a good day in heaven. :-)

Goodbye 2011...

2011 has been one of the most wonderful years of my life. The year started off with a Gatlinburg trip with my honey. I was very lucky and for many months I got to stay at home with my sweet babies. Jaeleigh turned 8 in June (how crazy is that!), Keaton turned 6 in November, and Luci turned 2 in July. Jaeleigh's behavior also improved so much this year and got off her behavior medications. She also joined Cheerzone in October - beginning her journey to be a professional Saints cheerleader! :-) LOL

In April I got a breast reduction/lift that I so desperately needed. In August, I got to go to California for the first time with Tony and Luci. In October I started teaching at Miller-Motte Technical College - overcoming one of my biggest fears and finding my passion. In November I finally got a tummy tuck - something that I wanted for so many years. In early December, after the swelling went down from my surgery, I reached my goal weight, and for the first time since I began my weight-loss journey in March 2010, I cried.

There were, however; some sad times. My good friend, and long-time boss, Brenda died from cancer only 4 weeks after finding out she was sick. It was a very hard time and the first time I lost someone so close in a long time. I'm still dealing with the loss, however; I know that loss is a part of life, and I'm trying to learn that. I miss her.

Now, as I move forward, I begin 2012 with a heavy heart. In two weeks, Tony and I will go on our yearly trip to Gatlinburg, and then two weeks later, he leaves for Afghanistan. I don't know how to live without him - and I don't want to. But, I will be fine. We are thinking of putting our house on the market and we already have a house picked out to buy - so I have many things to look forward to in 2012. I am currently looking forward to August 2012 when my honey comes home for good.

Great Week!

It's been a pretty great week! I got one drain tube taken out on Tuesday and the other one taken out today. I weighed myself today and I am down to 149. It was the first time I cried. Seriously - the last time I was in the 140s was in high school. My tummy is looking pretty awesome - much better than I expected. I wear this tight thing around my stomach all day and the doctor says it will make my figure more hourglass as I heal. It's amazing! I just ordered a bikini for the first time! I don't know if I'll keep it, but hey - I ordered it! Oh, and I checked my Secret Rewards card tonight on the Victoria Secret website, and surprise --- I won $500! Now I get to buy a ton more cute stuff from Victoria Secret...I'm beyond stoked!

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